Remembering Sunday
by AroundTheClock
Summary: 5 days since my Remus left me, and already it’s tearing me apart slowly. RL/SB. Part Two of the Lyrical Love and Lies series.


5 days.

5 days since my Remus left me, and already it's tearing me apart slowly. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't do anything except lay here in my bed and cry. Normally, Remus would talk me out of this funk, coax me out of bed and into the shower.

But not anymore.

He never stays long in the dorms anymore. He doesn't want to face me, face the realization that he's ripped my heart to shreds and stomped on the pieces. But I can't blame him. I could never blame him, because it's my entire fault that I'm like this. He didn't make me love him. He didn't make me see the guys in the Quidditch locker rooms hide from me once they found out that I was dating Remus. He didn't make me want to save face and start snogging girls again on the side. I thought it was innocent. I never thought he'd find out.

My bed curtains disappeared from my view as James ripped them back. He winced slightly as he caught sight of me, curled up into the fetal position yet again.

"Uh, Padfoot? It's…you're going to be late for class, and Professor McGonagall is getting suspicious. You can't miss another-"

"I can, and I will, James," my voice was muffled, my face pressed into my hands. I didn't want to hear the pity in his voice.

"Just tell her I'm still extremely sick."

I could sense his hesitation and faced him. He recoiled slightly when he caught sight of my face. I hadn't looked in a mirror for the past five days, so I could only imagine how horrible I looked.

"Alright. But hurry up and get better, otherwise she's going to investigate," he quickly turned away and hurried out of the dorms, murmuring quietly to Peter, who was sitting on his bed but quickly got up and followed, not chancing a glance at me. I returned to my former position and sat there for almost half an hour, waiting for everyone to be gone until I uncurled and staggered out of bed, uncertain on my feet. Shoving on a pair of shoes, I tiptoed over to James' trunk and dug out the Invisibilty cloak. I tossed it over me and walked out of the dorms, intent on one place: the Astronomy Tower.

When I finally got there, I was about to throw off the cloak when I heard someone crying. Remus.

I walked quietly towards where the sound was coming from and realized that he wasn't alone.

"I can't understand why you don't just forget him, Remus," Lily sighed. I stood silently behind them, watching her stroke Remus's back. I bit back a growl as Remus collected himself enough to respond.

"I d-don't know why, Lily! I-I feel so empty without h-him, but I can't stand b-being around him! And besides," he continued, wiping away tears ferociously and choking back another sob.

"I-if he knew what I had d-done when he br-broke up with me…"

He buried his face into his hands again and let out a strangled cry. Lily sighed and gathered him into her arms, stroking his back and whispering reassuring words into his ear. My eyes narrowed as I watched her, fighting back the urge to rip her from him and kiss him until he couldn't think straight, couldn't stand without me holding him up. Without him falling back into my arms.

"Come on, Remus. Let's go get you a Calming Drought from Madame Pomfrey, and then we can go to class. Alright?"

She slid his arm over her shoulder and heaved him to his feet, almost dragging towards the stairs. I had to step away quickly so that she didn't accidentally knock Remus into me. She paused walking past me, however, and sniffed the air before muttering a quick, "Disgusting" and continuing down the stairs. I arched an eyebrow and took a surreptitious sniff under my arms before throwing off the cloak and making my way towards the huge window. Leaning against the window and letting the wind ruffle my hair, I began to cry. No tears came, as I had cried myself dry over the past few days, but I couldn't help letting sob after sob escape my mouth. I had ruined Remus. I couldn't look past it anymore. My legs seemed to crumble beneath me and it was all I could do to cling to the barrier in front of me - the only thing that kept me from leaping to the ground. I needed Remus. Craved him. I wanted nothing more than to feel his warmth in my arms, feel his long fingers running through my hair and murmuring gently and sweetly into my ear. I lost all track of time as my train of thought went around and around in circles. Remus wanted me - he couldn't stand me! I needed him - I didn't deserve him.

All of a sudden, however, it hit me. I knew what I had to do. Not bothering to check the time, not caring how horrible I appeared, I stuffed the Cloak into my pocket and raced down the stairs, intent on finding one person. The first place I went was almost a habit. I ran into the library, panting loudly and looking wildly around until I spotted a mane of bright red hair.

"Lily!" I cried, ignoring the glares and "Shhh!"'s that I earned from the librarians and studiers. I quickly kneeled next to her, noting how fiercely she stared at me.

"What could you possibly want, Black?" she hissed, narrowing her eyes in her famous death glare. I winced before spitting out, "Forgive me, but have you seen Re-"

"No."

I could feel my face fall.

"But-"

"I will NOT tell you where he is. No go run off and ruin someone else's life."

With that, she turned around and returned to her book. Crestfallen, I stood and began a slow march to the dormitory.

Returning finally to my bed, I noticed something laying on top of the pillow. A note was folded on top with my name neatly printed across the front. Instantly recognizing the writing, I snatched it up and ripped it open. It was from Remus.

_Dear Sirius, _it began.

_I'm sorry. For everything that's gone on between us. For anything I may have done to cause you to want to leave me. And please, know that no matter what happens, I will always love you with all my heart._

_But I can't do it anymore, Sirius. Please don't come back to me. I don't think that I'll be able to stand the pain. And don't pretend you weren't about to, I know you too well._

_I will always treasure the friendship that we had. No one will ever compare._

_Please, let things go back to normal. Not between us, but with your life. Don't dwell on me._

_Yours,_

_Remus._

My heart clenched as I reread what was written. Falling heavily onto my bed, I felt tears slide down my cheeks, salty and deceivingly warm. My Remus...gone forever.

Covering my mouth with my hand, my chest heaving with sobs, I quickly buried my face in my pillow. Nothing would be the same, no matter how much I wanted it to be. And I couldn't hide from that anymore.

A/N: So sorry this wasn't up sooner! I've been caught up in other stories and school and a major case of writer's block. Hopefully you enjoy this one!

Thanks so much to fahzzyquill, Jynx'sbox, coolkid4869, Avahin, and Loquaciousgirl for the lovely reviews. And a special thanks to Jynx'sbox for the suggestions! I'm looking into them as we speak!


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